I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
