I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
