Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
