i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
