Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
