bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
