I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
