I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
