Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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