I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
NoShamevember. You game?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
