My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
