You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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