it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
