3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
