This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
