his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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