Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
