Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
there was a trapeze. enough said
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
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