Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
