I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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