I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
