16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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