We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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