it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
