And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
