Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize