I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
