Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
