I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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