Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
only if we run a train.
done.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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