Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I could make wine with my vomit
Acid is not a monday night drug
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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