Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
