Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
