drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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