if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
