i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
