I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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