The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
