I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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