I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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