You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
