Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize