We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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