So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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