Do you still have your period?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
