hotel room ftw
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
