He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
