Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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