I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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