woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
