wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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