Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
