Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
