I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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