i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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