I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize