My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
