This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
