Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
