Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
