I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
