I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
