I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
