when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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