It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
