WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Houston, we have a squirter
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
