Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
