Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
