if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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