Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize