why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
