i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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