I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
