just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
