I cut my penus on the lid.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
