i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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