did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
