ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
