He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
