It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
