Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
