You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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