I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize