I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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