Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
