Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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